It's been 25 days since the Spanish government has introduced the Covid-19 lockdown on March 15th and, according to the latest decision, it's going to last until April 26th, so at least 18 more days to go. I remember taking the metro on March 1st and thinking that people wearing masks were overreacting and acted ridiculously. I remember Luigi suggesting doing bigger groceries on March 10th and both of us laughing at that idea (Luigi's family was already locked down, so it was rather nervous laughter and we did it after all).
Side note: I remember buying a box of 12 rolls of toilet paper and we haven't run out of them yet!
The situation in Spain was evolving so rapidly in the first 2 weeks of March that on March 14th, from one day to another, we were told to stay home, with the right to go to work (if remote work was not possible), to buy groceries, go to a pharmacy or walk a dog. An unprecedented decision that, when announced, sounded more like an introduction scene from an apocalyptic movie.
If you asked me a year ago, what would be the worst way to spend Spring '20, I would immediately reply: 'Stay at home, only with Luigi and not being able to meet my family or friends. With no possibility to spend time in nature, go to yoga classes and with nothing specific to do. That would make me feel anxious, useless and as if I was wasting my life'. Obviously that answer represented my biggest fears back then when we were still living in Berlin. Little did I know how much that experience and the following 12 months taught me about myself and how they would help me to deal with our current #stayathome reality.
After my spine surgery, I got a tattoo saying 'One breath at a time' to always remember not to overwhelm myself with too many obligations, tasks, plans, and feelings. To let things come to me. To go with the flow. I chose a strategic part of my body - my forearm, so I can remind myself about it every time I practice yoga, work on my computer or even scroll down on my phone. This tattoo is my daily reminder to stay grounded. Today I want to share with you some tips, a list of 7 DO's that allow me to overcome ups & downs of the lockdown without anxiety, stress or despair. In my next post, I will share 7 DONT's.
So let's start with the DO's:
#1 Follow the news with the same or preferably lower regularity than before. I know it sounds a bit counterintuitive because we all want to know how the situation is evolving, but trust me. During the first 3 days at home, Luigi and I read all the possible online newspapers from Spain, Italy, and Poland and then we either exchanged the articles via WhatsApp or sat down and talk about them. My head was spinning, my heart was pounding, I couldn't sleep and I was waking up anxious. Red titles, highlighted statistics, stories of families in grief, death around every corner. In my daily life, I don't read the news too often. Sometimes for days or weeks. Not because I'm not interested, but because they mostly present the negative side of life, so to me they're not a proper reflection of the reality. And I felt the same this time. So on the 4th day, I've made a decision to follow the news at most once a day. And not after waking up or before going to bed. And not when I'm feeling sad, scared or uneasy. At first, it felt like ignorance. After a few days, it became a habit. A good one. It also gives me a feeling of control. Instead of being hit unprepared by the horrible reality, I pick the right time to face it. I still receive a lot of articles and videos via social media, so I also save them for that moment. Besides, I asked Luigi not to discuss the current situation first or last thing of the day. Nowadays I follow the news once in 2-3 days. Ignorance is a bliss.
#2 Move! I cannot highlight enough how movement makes a difference in our mental and emotional state. Nowadays it might seem impossible to follow your sports routine (if you've had one before), but be creative! Be resourceful! I've been walking our staircase up and down several times during the day and I often walk along the terrace back and forth just to start feeling my blood running through my veins. Even if you used to be a couch potato, remember that these days you might need to boost your immune system and good mood more than ever. Take into account that while exercising you breathe more deeply and rapidly. Our bodies under stress become more acid, hence more susceptible to viruses and bacteria. Breathing, on the other hand, alkalines our bodies naturally, so it's the most available natural health defensor.
If you're lucky enough to have a dog, you know what to do. Or take turns with your family/flatmates to do groceries to walk a few blocks - if possible. Don't aim for a Beachbody plan or losing weight! Move for your health and wellbeing. I totally recommend yoga practice as one of the most convenient activities during confinement. You only need space a bit bigger than your mat and a youtube video or an online class, if you need it. While you're connecting movement with your breath, you're able to increase your energy, strength, flexibility and reduce stress. But if not yoga - maybe dancing, fitness with no equipment or tai chi? Maybe you have a stationary bike? Or you can do weight lifting with bottles of water? Whatever you choose, let it be something that makes you feel good! Maybe you prefer being guided by a teacher during an online class or rather listen to your favorite music and move the way your body feels like? Or maybe sex will do it for you? Try a couple of things and see what suits you the most! And let it be a light practice at first! You don't want to injure yourself or feel really sore and skip moving! (I did that mistake of overtraining myself in the beginning and then I had to stop for a few days to recover). Now I choose shorter practices, usually yoga in the morning and cardio/fitness or dancing in the afternoons and I rest one day a week.
#3 Show and ask for love and affection. Every damn day. If you are home alone, give yourself hugs few times a day. I learned it in my yoga classes and it really does feel like a proper hug. My friend, Milly, says that a hug should take at least 8 seconds (or maybe 12). Apply that rule! Squeeze your body and surrender at the same time. It's absolutely normal if you get emotional or even cry a bit. This is how you release tension. If you have a pet, oh my! Just snuggle, play, pet, stroke! Same if you have babies and kids. And with your partner, siblings, parents, and grandparents - whoever is at home with you. As ridiculous as it might sound, Luigi and I take hug breaks throughout the day. Between 30 seconds and 1 minute. We just hug and go back to our previous activity. Love and affection also mean being there for others. Call your family, call your friends, especially if they are alone, comfort those who have been affected by the Covid-19 directly. It also means helping others. Financial donations, helping the elderly, the poor and children. Volunteering. Offering online classes. Anything that comes from your heart. Just remember to show love to yourself first. Then to your family and friends. And once you feel you've taken care of yourself and your loved ones, spread the love further. Not the other way around...
#4 Spend some time alone. Preferably in silence and at least for a few minutes a day. This might be a tricky one, especially if you work remotely, have a full house and there are kids around. But even if it's 10 minutes alone in the toilet, while you're taking a shower or just before falling asleep - let yourself have this time only with yourself. I actually spend plenty of time alone, but only recently I've become more conscious of the quality of this time. Being in the sun on my balcony, watering and watching my plants and listening to the birds chirping (Spring!) are my favorite ways of being alone in silence. I'm slowly teaching myself not to make career plans, shopping lists or recalling memories during that time. Taking a shower and actually feeling the water all over your body without thinking of your family, boss and most of all, Covid-19 can be a game-changer too. Meditation is still a big challenge to me because I'm rather an active and objective-oriented person, but I'm getting used to the idea, that it's not about gaining anything, but about being present and observing my thoughts and feelings. And to trick my mind I've set an objective: to show up and meditate. Every day, if possible. Again, try what works for you best. Meditation, contemplation, prayer, watching clouds passing by (or your neighbors if that's your thing!
#5 Do something that you have never had time for. Oh, this is big! Especially because we're constantly bombarded with thousands of ideas on social media. I mean, it's great that people are offering their help, sharing their talents, their passions and all of that for free! But this might also be overwhelming at first. So stop for a moment and think - what was that one thing you had been promising to yourself to do and never found time for? Maybe acquiring a new professional skill? Uncluttering your house? Learning how to play an instrument? Trying new recipes in the kitchen. Painting? Doing nothing for 30 minutes every day? Pick-up one and go for it. My suggestion - let it be something that won't frustrate you too much. Luigi has started recording podcasts. I'm baking and making vegan desserts.
#6 Ask for mental and emotional support. Maybe you're feeling worried all the time. Or you're anxious or scared? Maybe the situation in your family or household is tensed and you're overwhelmed. Maybe you're home alone and it's fun at times, but then you feel like crying or screaming? Call your friend or a person that you really trust. If you feel that your state is serious, set up an online therapy session or call a mental health helpline.
At the end of the first week of confinement, we had an online session with my classmates and the founder of our Master's, Borja Villaseca, and we were told that our studies have been postponed to September. I thought: 'What a mess, it ruins all my plans'. That same evening I felt frustrated and anxious, thinking about the future. And suddenly the voice in my head said: 'Don't be ungrateful! There are people dying because of Coronavirus, families losing their loved ones, people losing jobs, people not having money to pay their rent and bills. People not having anything to eat!' And I convinced myself that I had no right to feel frustrated. And the next morning I woke up sad. And I told myself that there was no reason to feel sad. And the next day I woke up angry. And I told myself, that there was no reason for that either. And slowly I started losing my excitement and joy. Yoga, cooking, talking to friends. I felt apathetic. All seemed meaningless. After a week, I decided to talk to my psychologist about it (online therapy sessions turned out to be as valid to me as the in-person ones). And I'm so glad I did! My therapist explained to me that due to the pandemic, we've all griefing in some way. And we should allow ourselves to grieve. Not only when a family member or friend dies, but about anything we have lost due to the current situation. And if we let ourselves grieve properly, sadness, frustration, anger, apathy last shorter. This explanation was so liberating and so necessary. And it led me to the last tip I'll share with you:
#7 Let yourself feel your feelings. This is actually the most important one to me. There are no inappropriate feelings. There is nothing we should be feeling instead of what we are feeling right now. And as simple as it sounds - it's so damn hard to permit yourself to truly feel! After my therapy session I immediately thought about my Master's program, about our vacation in Cuba that got canceled, our trip to Rome, where I was supposed to snuggle my 9-month niece for the first time. The same evening we watched "Inside out" movie. Tears poured out of my eyes. Yes, I was losing all that because of the pandemic. Crying felt good. I let Luigi hug me for a long time that evening. And since then I'm trying not to suppress my feelings. Sometimes I feel really upset because of hips & shoulder' opening yoga practice. And I let myself feel that anger. Sometimes I wake up feeling bitter and annoyed and then I think: 'It's most likely the liver cleansing that I'm doing!'. And I'm giving myself permission to feel bitter & annoyed. And I breathe deeply. And I have to say that since I allowed myself feeling whatever comes my way, I feel a lot calmer, peaceful, a lot more joyful and hopeful.
Disclosure: I want to clarify that I'm writing from the perspective of a white person coming from the rich North (Bloody Eastern European, to be precise), who is not on the frontline of the Covid 19 response, who decided to stop working before the pandemic started, who lives with her husband in a flat in a big city, has no children and whose fridge is always full. But also someone who, despite all the above, went through a very tough, anxious, and hopeless year (more details in this post). So when all this craziness has started I was freaking out that I would be the first one to fall into the darkness again. But it is not happening and I'm so thrilled about it that I could not keep my DOs and DON'Ts only for myself.
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